<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML><HEAD>
<META http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<META content="MSHTML 6.00.2800.1106" name=GENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff"
bgColor=#ffffff>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message -----
<DIV><B>Sent:</B> Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:55 PM</DIV>
<DIV><B>Subject:</B> Fw: Fw: Doctor's Notes (fwd)</DIV></DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>
<DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE
style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: blue 2px solid">
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Verdana size=2>Subject: Doctor's Notes<BR><BR>A man comes into
the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my
stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off
her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- I was in the
wrong one.<BR><BR> Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX<BR><FONT
face=Arial>====================================</FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Verdana size=2>At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
patient.<BR><BR> Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA<BR><FONT
face=Arial>====================================</FONT><BR>One day I had to be
the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a
massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died<BR>of a "massive internal
fart."<BR><BR> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada<BR><FONT
face=Arial>=======================================</FONT><BR>I was performing
a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the
patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your
hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless
read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
large E on the top line. I turned and discovered he had done exactly what I
had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing
too hard to finish the exam.<BR><BR> Dr. Matthew Theodropolous,
Worcester, MA<BR><FONT
face=Arial>======================================</FONT><BR>During a patient's
two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his
doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I
asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches
on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.<BR><BR> Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA<BR><FONT
face=Arial>========================================</FONT><BR>While
acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you
been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not
for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."<BR><BR> Dr. Steven
Swanson, Corvallis, OR<BR><FONT
face=Arial>=============================================</FONT><BR>I was
caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the
woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."<BR><BR> Dr. Leonard
Kransdorf, Detroit, MI<BR><FONT
face=Arial>==================================</FONT><BR>A Nurse was on duty in
the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once
the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."<BR><FONT
face=Arial>===============================</FONT><BR> and Finally .
.<BR><BR>A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'." --<BR><BR> Dr. wouldn't admit
his name</FONT></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE></DIV>
<DIV></DIV></BODY></HTML>